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| Taken ten minutes ago. |
It's the second last day of 2012, and it's beautiful. It's mild, as mild as can be expected although I do have the fire on, and the sky is filled with soft, grey clouds. The sky, what little I can see, is a pale, delicate blue, and all around is the sound of birds singing. It is perfectly peaceful.
And I feel like 2012 is saying to me, "Why did you say you hated me so much? I kept you alive, didn't I? I kept you close then closer still to those you love and those who are precious. I gave you budgies, I gave you Émile Zola, deer and squirrels and robins and sheep, and all those animals you love. I kept you in the forest, in fact I kept you with everything you love and need, and gave you more besides. I gave you time, some of which you squandered, some of which you used well, and I kept you on your feet, however much it looked like I wouldn't. And I gave you this morning. I barely took a thing from you. I wasn't perfect, but why did you ever say you hated me?"
And sometimes, at some points, it's true - I did say I hated this year once or twice, or at least I thought it. But I shouldn't have done at all. Life is too complex, too finely tuned, for it all to go mechanically perfect. Life isn't a production line in a factory. It was a good year.
And today I'm going into town, finishing the New Year clean, and hopefully finishing Freud at some point (another tiny Penguin Great). I'm out all day tomorrow, but I'll have time for the final post of 2012. But today is the last ordinary day of 2012 and I'm going to enjoy it, I think. And I'm grateful for 2012, very very grateful.
For me, most of this tendency to be ungrateful for the passing year comes from the fact that it was a difficult year. Difficult, demanding and at times exhausting, but you are completely right, if I think closer about 2012, about all I have learned and experienced I have to be thankful for it.
ReplyDeleteI believe all years include unpleasant parts, but it's the outcome that remains. I really enjoyed your photos of nature and animals as well as your "rediscovery" of French literature. Let's see how this continues next year!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a wonderful post. The part in which you wrote what you think 2012 would say to you actually gave me chills. You're right, absolutely. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of things, but when you look at the bigger picture, just the fact that we're alive and healthy is enough to be enormously grateful.
ReplyDeleteHave an amazing 2013!